Not My Cracker Babies you Dont!


In a state of absolute shock I recoiled in horror when I first heard the statement…” I want to kill all the Cracker Babies.”  Wow that brought me to attention! I have long held my Cracker Babies dear, refusing to share them with others if at all possible, and shamelessly hiding them from my own kids at times.

I purposely try to avoid network television or the news these days. I find most of it full of political rhetoric and bad news about the state of the country, or our crackpot politicians.

But this statement sent me running to do some research. I mean who the hell doesn’t like these cute, tasty, little Cracker Babies ? Heck I love to bite their little Cracker Baby heads off first, then dip them in milk. Delectable little crackers if I may say so.

Well thanks to Al Gores Interwebs I managed to find all kinds of information on Cracker Babies. Holy cow, turns out it was a statement made by a New Black Panther! Or was that a New Black Pamper ? But I digress.

My initial reaction was, I guess this fellow felt misrepresented in the Barnum box.

Fair enough, let’s add a chocolate Black Panther to the box. Hell might be a pleasant diversion from all the little vanilla Cracker Babies. I am all for diversity.

Needless to say I quickly caught up on the news that it was an angry man named Malik Zulu Shabazz, and he were the Leader of the new Black Panther Party.

Hey, I am all for a party myself, and what could be more fun than to kill off several boxes of these little Cracker Babies?

Well it would seem that’s not quite the intent my little Cracker Baby loving friend Malik had in mind.

SHAZAM!! Or is that Shabazz ? Either way, it turns out that is not Maliks real name anyhow. And for a minute there I thought his name was MILK. (That would have been a natural with Cracker Babies)  Gosh what a disappointment.

Milk’s real name is Paris Lewis. And his New Black Panther Party is not all that fun. Wow Paris, is that really what you want?

Paris, that’s not really nice. And here I was willing to share not only my country, but a box of Cracker Babies with you. All I can imagine Paris, is your mom wouldn’t be proud of you talking crazy stuff like that, and being mean to people.

I imagine she would grab you by the ear and drag you home to Detroit. And there would likely be no Cracker Babies for you!

Oh and Paris, just so you know, If you mess with many peoples Cracker Babies, that is likely what is going to happen to you. Trust  me, there is little more frightening than a Cracker Babies upset Momma. I would rather wrestle New Black Panthers at a voting booth.

Shame on you Paris!

© JK Dark


~ by onthedarkside on July 18, 2010.

2 Responses to “Not My Cracker Babies you Dont!”

  1. Love it Kev! Not my Cracker babies either. I hear some folks like their cracker babies dipped in Coka-cola. I just like ’em in milk please!Good story!

  2. Very well written,Kevin. This is what I have to say to Paris Lewis, “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” It’s from The Bible, Paris, and it’s sad to witness so much hatred from a human heart who once upon a time, long ago, most likely held that little familiar string on his own little Barnum Box.

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